Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
