I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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