I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
