it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
