Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Randomize
