Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
