she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
we should paint friendship bongs
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