my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
