Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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