I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
