She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
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