This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
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