is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
