Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
