sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
