i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
