I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
