Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
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There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
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Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
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