Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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