Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
