I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
