this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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