the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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