yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
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