I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
