my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
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