i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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