there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
