Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
