I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Randomize
