so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
