My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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