I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
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Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
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Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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