Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
