And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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