just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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