Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
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