that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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