So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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