I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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