Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
