Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
