I hope mine doesn't look like that
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
