And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
