actually, I'm a sock model
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
