I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
