you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
