Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
