Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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