so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
