ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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