There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
