Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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