apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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