saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
