We named our party play list daddy issues
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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