i don't like sucking hair
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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