I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
My Sexting was not on an AP level
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
