She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
my liver is dry heaving
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
