Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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