I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
