I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
