The brown eye won't let me do that either.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I believe in your delicious
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
