we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
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I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
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Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
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