if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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