It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
