i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
