i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
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