i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
