oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
