He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
