I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
you win again, gameday.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
