It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
